


Arnie and Krissie

by DivineVarod, themadmarchhare42



Series: The Kochanski chronicles [1]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Closeted Character, Coming Out, F/M, Gay Best Friend, Helping, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Other, Panic, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 21:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8177239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadmarchhare42/pseuds/themadmarchhare42
Summary: When Kristine Kochanski first saw Arnold Rimmer she was told to stay away from him. Thankfully she didn't as she would have missed out on the best friend she could ever have.Part 1 of the Kochanski Chronicles: a look at the life of Kristine Kochanski before and after she arrived on board of our universes' Red Dwarf.





	

Kristine Kochanski had been friends with Arnold Rimmer for the best part of five years. In many ways she couldn't imagine her life without him. She still shuddered at the thought that the best, only , true friendship both had ever known almost didn't happen.  
When Kochanski had first joined the mining ship Red Dwarf, a junior in training to be a Navigation Officer, she soon heard rumours about Arnold Rimmer and his insufferable nature from the other crew. She’d taken their advice to stay away from him, lest she end up in one of his many daily reports to the Captain.

She often saw him wandering about on the ship always alone, the big hazel eyes either sad or scared. No-one ever spoke to him and if they did it was either to insult or mock him. Against her better judgement she begun to feel sorry for him. He was being bullied, she felt, and if there was one thing she hated it was bullying.

One evening, about a month into her training, she was heading to her quarters after a long day in the navigation room, when she heard a desperate, muffled rasping. She’d peered round a narrow technician hallway between two sets of computer banks, and had seen Rimmer doubled over in the corner, rasping for breath. He was crouched on the floor, shaking and hyperventilating, fingers raking through his perfectly-regulation hair.

“Rimmer?” She gently touched his shoulder.

* * *

 

Rimmer's eyes sprang open in fear. When he realised that he was being approached by an officer in training his panic and anxiety doubled. His chest felt as if an iron hand had got hold of his lungs and an over zealous drummer was pounding on his heart.

“M … miss K … Ma’am!” He attempted to scramble to his feet for a salute, but his legs buckled quickly as his head spun, he felt himself swaying and wondered if he'd survive the humiliation of passing out at this ladies feet. “Ah! Uh … sorry, ma’am!” He gasped.

To his surprise she gently steadied him, letting him lean his weight between her and the bank of computers on his left side.

“Don't be silly Rimmer, you don't need salute me. You need to lie down. You're obviously not well. Come on.”  
Rimmer felt all kinds of confusing emotions when she took his arm and suported his wheezing form to her quarters.

“Shouldn't …” Rimmer tried to say through shallow breaths. “Be here.” But Kochanski clearly ignored him.

“Shush now. You're hyperventilating.”

* * *

Standing in front of him in her room Kristine Kochanski gently placed one hand just below his ribs to feel his breath. She immediately felt him freeze under the unexpected touch. “Don't be scared, I'm trying to help you.”

She placed her other hand on his chest. “Now listen Rimmer: take a deep breath through your nose and then then slowly out.”  
The girl felt his heart flutter like a trapped butterfly.

“I- I-”

“Come on, Rimmer. Arnold was it?” He nodded slightly, still concentrating on his juddering breaths.

After a while, she finally managed to get his breathing under control. She wondered what could have happened to get this man in such a state and also wondered what made her so desperate to help him. She barely knew Arnold Rimmer and everyone on the ship went out of their way to avoid him. Maybe that's what it was, she thought: if she did not help him, who would?  
Kochanski looked at the shy, clearly terrified man in front of her. He seemed far removed from the “insufferable smeghead” people made him out to be. She noticed that Rimmer seemed rather spaced out from the exertion of the panic attack, so she made him lay down on her couch for a bit as she got him a glass of water.

When she gave him the water she noticed his hands where still shaking, and when he drank his teeth chattered against the glass. After he'd managed to down the glass she put a soothing hand on his shoulder.

“Are you ok now?” She asked. He was still slightly shaky under her hand.

Rimmer began to nod, but that seemed to shake something loose and he, to her horror, burst into tears. She quickly sat herself next to him and began to rub his back, which only seemed to make things worse.

She could guess what was wrong without even asking: The usually guarded Rimmer was feeling rather vulnerable after the panic attack, and her sudden kindness had clearly knocked him for six.

“I- I’m sorry,” he sobbed, trying to clear a path for his eyes to see through the tears.

“Hey, no it’s alright.”

“N-no, I’m sorry for bothering you,” he choked on a self-deprecating laugh, “I-I’m just being pathetic.”

“No, Arnold it’s ok. Why are you upset?”

Rimmer paused, then blurted out:

“It’s just- just… no ones been this nice to me before…”

Kochanski blinked. She couldn’t believe it. It was only a normal courtesy. But evidently for Rimmer it was so much more than that.

She let him cry, it was obvious he needed it.

* * *

When he had finished crying a few minutes later the Second Technician begun apologizing profusely, flushing red as he realized what he had just done. She stopped him and offered him a glass of wine. Rimmer was shocked. She had just seen him make a fool of himself and wasn't laughing? Wasn’t repulsed at the ugly sobs or the small nest of tissues he’d collected in his lap?

He accepted the glass … and the second one as well.

* * *

After sitting with her for a while, Rimmer gradually relaxed, the alcohol calming him enough for the pair to start talking. After about an hour of direction-less chatter, where they commiserated over the lack of respect, Kochanski for being a girl on a mainly male ship, and Rimmer for being… well, Rimmer, as well as anecdotes from their home towns, they found out how much they had in common: a liking for tea and jogging as well as feeling lonely and the same self-deprecating and misanthropic humour.

Kochanski soon realised that she found Rimmer surprisingly pleasant company and her heart broke a little when Rimmer, reaching the more emotional part of being drunk, told her about his upbringing and how this was the first proper talk he'd had with anyone for as long as he could remember.

She invited him to tea the next day. Overwhelmed by meeting someone so friendly Rimmer readily agreed.

It soon turned out that she was to have him over for breakfast as well when the easily intoxicated and exhausted Rimmer fell asleep on her couch. Worried he might have to face the bullies in this vulnerable state she didn't have the heart to wake him and make him walk to his room. Instead she put a pillow under his head and covered him with a blanket.

Rimmer woke up the next morning and after a brief panic about where he was, he remembered and relaxed. He was late for his shift, his back hurt and he had a hangover, but for once he didn’t care. This was the happiest he'd felt in decades.

* * *

However, because of their different on-board lives, they rarely saw each other during work hours. But they made up for this during  down time where the two were pretty much inseparable, wherever Kochanski was Rimmer followed. No one really saw them, neither having too much of a social life, and that was probably for the best. It was rare anyone assumed a male-female friendship could be entirely platonic, but it was.

Every night Rimmer would be at her quarters for dinner at six on the dot. Almost every time he'd bring her something he'd kept away from his vending duties: a bar of chocolate maybe or a package of nuts. She’d mentioned that first night that she was always last to the vending machine on her floor at lunch, and that the nutty-chocolate bars were always gone by the time she got there. So Rimmer always kept a couple spare during refills. Sometimes snuck them into her desk drawer if there wasn’t anyone looking, but if not he always gave them to her in the evenings. Small tokens of his appreciation.

Most of the lower crew convened in the mess hall, but Kochanski never exactly trusted the cooks and so she would have dinner ready for both of them in her room. Then, over the meal, the two of them would discuss their day.

The higher ranking crew had larger rooms, far more spacious than the grey dingy cabin that Rimmer and the other menial workers had down in the bottom of the ship. She had an inbuilt kitchettes in a side-room, but she never really was one for cooking and so only used the small microwave to heat up ready meals. When Rimmer noticed this, he let it slip that he often had to cook for himself when left home on his own, his brothers off at the academy and his parents at work; he was also forced into making the family meals once they’d discovered his ‘talent’ (his father always sneered that word, making it sound like a slur that a son of his was good at a ‘women’s job’.) It was one of the few things he was forced into by his family that he'd actually enjoyed.

She asked if he wanted to cook once in a while and he grinned: from then on he cooked every night. Kochanski was delighted at the change from curries and sloppy ready-meals, and Rimmer relished in doing something he liked: baking cakes, making semi fresh salads and soups. They prided themselves in being the healthiest eaters on the ship.

* * *

Their friendship grew and they started confessing secrets. Kochanski revealed some of the more naughty things she'd got up to during her teenage years, while Rimmer one night admitted that he was still a virgin. She wasn't surprised as her friend seemed rather scared of intimacy. He was embarrassed about it and in the past had made up a few tales to impress her. But as he felt comfortable with her gradually dropped the pretense. She had her suspicions about his deeper longings, but decided to wait until her friend felt secure enough to share.

It took a lot for him to look her in the eyes and tell her he was gay, but one evening he did. He had known he was gay most of his life but had always repressed that side of him, out of fear of disappointing his parents. All his life he had been told that being gay was wrong. His father openly supported conversion therapy while his boarding-school had been a place of homophobic terror.

A letter from his parents, informing him his brother was getting married to a well-bred debutante, that questioned why he was still single had brought it all back. He had been a failure in everything else, how could he disappoint his parents with his sexuality too?  
Seeing Rimmer red eyed and shaking in front of her, Kochanski tried her best at comforting him.  
  
"It's okay Arnie. I support you and I am here for you. Whatever your parents might say: being gay is not wrong. They are wrong."  
  
"You really don't find me disgusting?" Rimmer asked in utter disbelieve.  
  
"Of course not. You're my best friend, silly."

Suddenly he perked up and gave her a slightly manic look. Then without warning he blurted out:

“Could we get married?”

“W-what?” Kochanski spluttered.

Rimmer grabbed her hands, they were cold and shaking while his eyes were a pool of confusion, she noted. She had to be careful with him.

“A-As in, not a real marriage. Not with, like any of that or…” She just let him get it all out, smiling calmly at him. Rimmer told her he was certain a marriage between them could be perfect: they were both upper middle class boarding school survivors and best friends. They had the same tastes and liked being around each other. He felt safe with her.

“Just to please your parents!?” She exclaimed. Rimmer crumpled slightly, and Kochanski scrambled to correct herself. “I mean, uh… If you think that’s what you want? Look Arnie, of course I want to help you. We don’t have to get married-married. We’re lightyears away in deep space!”

She locked him in a hug; Rimmer was still unused to such large quantities of affection, but at least he accepted it, resting a tired head on her shoulder.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s ok.”  
  
"I'm so tired ... Hiding myself all my life. Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore."  
  
And that was the moment Kochanski's heart opened completely and she knew: she wanted to help him no matter what. Take the pain away and bring him joy. Maybe she had read to many romantic novels, maybe it was her longing for ... whatever it was. But she wanted to fix him.  
  
She gently kissed his forehead and told him: "Don't worry, you're not alone anymore."

That evening they managed to figure out a plan. As long as they were on the ship they could just tell his parents they were in a relationship and if he ever returned home… well they’d cross that bridge when they came to it. As they talked Kochanski slowly saw Rimmer's panic fade. Rimmer was obviously happy with her ideas and grateful for her support.  
He asked her if he could stay over, on her couch: he was scared of being alone that night. She agreed. That night, as she watched him sleep Kochanski planned to get Rimmer out and happy about who he was before the ship returned home.

The next day they took a few formal snaps and mailed them to his parents.

* * *

As a first step Kochanski introduced him to Bob Lebowski from catering. He was an older, very camp gentleman who was one of the few openly gay men on board. Bob listened to Rimmer's story and sympathized with him. The kind caterer took him under his wings and helped him to feel less negative about himself.

Coming out to Kochanski had a profound effect on Rimmer. He was less tense and felt even more free to be himself with her. He even went out for drinks with her from time to time, sometimes joined by Bob. The two of them had even got Rimmer to sing Karaoke with them one night.

Kochanski liked this a lot, she could share everything with Rimmer now. He kept surprising her: he had great artistic talent, loved his musicals and could even give her fashion tips. It apparently helped to have a father so concerned about outward appearances when it came to clothing advice.  
The second technician and the trainee officer even joined a ballroom class. Rimmer had always wanted to join the class but had been scared to do so without someone he could trust. She had felt the same and was happy Rimmer had asked. It was obvious that he was finally free to do some of the things he always wanted.

For Kochanski one of the perks of being friends with a technician was that he knew inside secrets about nearly everyone on the ship and often gave advise on who and who not to date. He cherished her friendship to the point of adoration and would practically do anything for her even spying on her potential boyfriends.  
He was very protective of Kochanski and felt it was his duty to protect her from anyone that could harm her.

The one thing that saddened her is that she could never help Rimmer get ready for a date or gossip about whom he fancied. Yes, he'd seen some men he fancied in a way, but never enough to do something about it and anyway they were always completely straight.

She wondered if Rimmer did not allow himself to fall in love because his self esteem was still too low.

* * *

She was right, of course. Decades in the unholy waters of believing he wasn't good enough had had a lasting effect on her best friend, that much was obvious. This she found out a day after hearing she would be promoted to Officer. Rimmer had not come round the day the news had been revealed, which surprised her: Rimmer had never missed a single day from the moment their friendship begun. She had hoped to celebrate with him and was quite disappointed.

The next evening, at six on the dot she was relieved to hear a knock on the door, but surprised to find a pale, red eyed Rimmer at the other side of it.

“Arnold?”

“I came to give my congratulations.” Rimmer said, pulling a smile that wriggled like a worm on a hook before drooping. As he continued his voice broke; “…A-and also to say goodbye.”

Kochanski frowned in surprise as she noticed he was shaking. “Arnie, what are you talking about?”

“Well ...” Rimmer stammered. “You'll be an officer soon so you obviously can't be seen with someone like me any-more. It was embarrassing before … but ...” A hug from his best friend stopped him dead.

“Stop it Arnold. Don't even say it, don't even think it. What have you been torturing yourself with all this time? Do you really care that much about your rank or mine? Well, I don't! You're my best friend and nothing can or will change that, ever. Understood?”

Rimmer sighed with relief in her arms and after that he seemed to believe her: secure in the knowledge he had a true friend.

* * *

He actually had two friends now, as Bob became more and more part of their group. In fact, he was the one who introduced Kochanski to Tim Parker, whom she started dating; but only after he was thoroughly vetted by Rimmer. At one point Rimmer had brandished his monkey-wrench knowingly when first talking to him, letting him know what would happen if he would ever hurt his best friend.

Thankfully Tim was a very nice man whom accepted the part Rimmer played in her life. He also worked late a lot of the time, which meant Rimmer could still come over for dinner most days and never felt left out. On the nights she spent with Tim, Rimmer would stay over at Bob's.

Rimmer liked Tim too and seemed to bask in the glory of being friends with two officers. Tim was a chef but never insisted on cooking when Rimmer was there. He enjoyed how much fun Kochanski's friend seemed to have creating meals and always took care in complimenting his cooking, knowing the compliment would have Rimmer filled with joy for days on end.

* * *

Four friends living with bliss and Rimmer being happier than he'd ever been in his entire life. Of course it couldn't last ...

One day Rimmer arrived in a furious mood: he'd been assigned a bunkmate. For a long time he'd had his room to himself and was happy about this. He needed moments of quiet not just to study, but because sometimes he'd get overwhelmed by things and needed a place to calm his mind down. He begged Kochanski and Tim to ask the Captain to reconsider. Both tried, but to no avail.

Three weeks later Dave Lister arrived and everyone's life changed forever.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
